


The Legend of Diana's 18th Birthday

by KriegsaffeNo9



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Cameos, Coitus Interruptus, Cunnilingus, F/F, It's mostly weird comedy by weight but there's at least some sex in there, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 02:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KriegsaffeNo9/pseuds/KriegsaffeNo9
Summary: A nice night alone between Diana and Akko is tragically(?) interrupted.There's sex in this one!  A little.  The characters are about a year older than they are in canon.





	The Legend of Diana's 18th Birthday

"Five," Diana said, placing the flat of the saber's blade on the champagne bottle in her hand. "Four." She found the seam on its side. "Three." She slid the blade up the line, taking aim so that the thickest part of the blade, right where it plunged past the crossguard, would hit the seam on the annulus. "Two." She held the blade in place on the bottle's shoulder.

"One..."

She struck, knocking the annulus and a chunk of the neck clean off, a plume of champagne foam spurting into the air and staying there like a fizzy cloud. She spun in place, weaving a comet-tail of champagne around herself. The spell she'd cast plucked the tiny fragments of glass that escaped into the plume; once they were ground to shining dust and blown away, Diana whistled, and a pair of ensorcelled flutes flew around her, collecting the champagne.

She set the sword on her dresser, next to her wand, and stepped through the plume, the sparkling wine parting to let her pass, and sat next to Akko on her bed. The flutes flew to her hand; she held out her left to Akko. Akko bowed and took the drink.

"Happy 18th, Diana!" Akko said.

"Thank you," Diana said. "To peace."

The two clinked their glasses together and took a long sip, Diana with practiced ease, Akko with a little sputtering.

"Mm' mm," Akko said, smiling. "This is, wow, this is tasty champagne, that's for sure."

"Veuve Cliquot," Diana said. "The rosé."

"Yeah, baby! I'm digging it!" She gave Diana a thumbs up. "Can I give you my present now?"

"Of course," Diana said, leaning over and planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"For that, you're gettin' it double-fast," Akko said, downing the rest of her glass super fast and throwing the flute at the rosé cloud. It splashed through a champagne cloud and smashed against her dresser. "Oh, whoops," Akko said. "Uh, anyway!" She flopped over to the other side of Diana's bed and dug around under it, revealing three wrapped objects of varying sizes. "Tackle 'em in any order, babe! You're gonna love 'em, guaranteed!"

"I'm sure I will," Diana said, finishing up a cleaning spell that brushed the shattered glass into her waste basket. She opened the smallest package first. "Ooh!" she said, hefting the small box. "Shiny Chariot perfume! I haven't seen this since I was ten!"

"Turns out they still make it," Akko said. "Smells real good. Chariot got me a real good price on it. I mean you don't need to know anything other than it'll smell great."

She spritzed a little in the air, catching the spray on her wrist. "Ah... it's heavenly. Thank you, Akko." She took on the second-largest, and wondered if this was the most mature decision-making process for opening gifts. Ah, you're with Akko, might as well indulge your inner child.

She cooed in delight. " _The Witch-Cult in Western Europe_!" she said. "I've always wanted to read this! How did you know?"

"...we-e-ell, I did sort of spoil how I got the perfume, so! I went to the library and looked up books that mentioned the Cavendishes and this was the highest-rated. I mean, besides that Chuck Tingle story."

" _Pounded in the Butt by my Childlike Wonder at the Blooming of Yggdrasil the Worldtree While I Pound the Butt of my Boundless Optimism of the Return of Magic_ ," Diana said. "A modern classic." She set the book aside and opened the last box, which was big enough to fit a hidden bulldog. Inside was not a patient animal but a pile of tissue paper. She felt around inside the layers of flimsy paper until her fingers brushed something solid. She pulled out, with deliberate slowness to avoid an eruption of dunnage, a rosewood wand with floral patterns of inlaid silver.

Akko hopped to her feet and stood a meter away. "Give it a swish 'n flick! Right at me! It'll be cool, I promise."

Diana did just so. Magic splashed on Akko's belly, and her clothes glowed and transformed into a bright white-and-pink dress with a wide hoop skirt and colorful ribbons. It was not unlike the magic dress she'd conjured at the social event that long, long year ago.

That long, long year ago, she had felt a vague stirring of emotion for Akko, one that took time to unlock. Here and now, with Akko her girlfriend, the sight of her in a big frilly dress made her soaking wet in an instant. "Akko, that's... gorgeous."

"It's a Cinderella Wand, the deluxe version of that Cinderella kit I used that one time! And you can just keep flickin' it at me if you wanna change my dress! Or yours, I guess." Akko smirked. "Wanna play dress-up?"

"I do," Diana said, aiming the wand at herself and changing her own dress to a sleek black number that hugged her body and glinted like a freshly-waxed car in the moody light of her room.

"How do I look?" She ran her hands down her sides, turning on tall black heels.

"Ooh, baby~" Akko said. "Like an expensive car I'd be scared to touch."

Diana pouted. "You're too scared to touch me? On my birthday, of all days? Oh, Atsuko Kagari, I'm hurt..." She put her hand on her chest and sighed dramatically. "How can you possibly make it up to me?"

"I'm gonna eat you out, that's how," Akko said, stalking closer to Diana. "I mean, uh, I'm sure I'll find... wait, gimmie a second, I'll think of a cooler..."

"It's fine," Diana said, pulling her over to the bed. "Thank you, Akko. Thank you very, very much. We are going to run this wand ragged, I just know it."

"Heheheh. And it saves on laundry time 'cause it's magic and stuff. Can't argue with that, can you?"

"Shut up and fuck me," Diana purred, pulling Akko into a passionate kiss, their tongues dancing, sharing the taste of rosé. Akko ran her fingers through Diana's long, rich, curly hair, so soft it tickled her fingers and palm; Diana's hands ran down Akko's waist to her slender hips and to her trim backside and squeezed. The feeling of soft Persian silk over Akko's slim and iron-taut ass made her heart pound hard enough for Akko to feel it as they pressed their chests together.

"Ah, Diana..." Akko said, kissing Diana's neck and guiding her into a seated position. She knelt, leaning against the edge of the bed as she showered Diana's breasts with kisses, one lingering kiss on each nipple straining to break through the thin material of her magic dress. When her knees began to complain like old-lady knees she transitioned into proper on-the-ground kneel, her head framed by Diana's long, strong legs. Her magic dress did not include panties. The smell of Diana's arousal made her ravenous.

She spread Diana's labia at the clit to better give it a lick, soft flicks at first, then long, ice-cream-like laps, then she pressed it between her lips and suckled. Diana squirmed. "Akko... ohh, Akko..." she said, groping her chest with one hand, trying to steady herself with the other. As Akko licked up her labia in long strokes--her tongue cupping her clit at the end of each--she gave up on holding upright and sank into her bed, ripping her magic dress open to knead her soft breasts.

Akko's hand slipped down Diana's labia and spread it wide. She licked her lips, partly to ready for the task at hand, partly to savor Diana's taste, and kissed the opening, slipping in her tongue. Diana panted.

"Oh, Mormo..." she said.

"Mm-mm," Akko said, looking up. "It's all me, baby. Mormo was just a big wooden jerk, anyway. Plus, would you rather her trinna spend all day figuring out which head to use for this?" She lolled her tongue out of her mouth and plunged her tongue as deep into Diana as she could fit, Akko's lips pressed tight against Diana's. She probed until she found the spot, THE spot, that never failed to make Diana--

Diana squealed, a high-pitched sound like a door opening. Akko smiled. Oh, yes. Orgasms aside, that was the best part of having sex with Diana Cavendish, that rusty-hinge squeak. The Victory Squeak.

Diana locked her legs around Akko's head; as Akko happily licked and kissed and sucked and plunged away, Diana obligingly ground her hips into Akko's face, sometimes accomplishing little more than grinding her soaking pussy against Akko's half-closed mouth and nose, other times eking out another millimeter or two of penetration by her slippery little tongue.

"Akko, I'm..." Diana gasped for air.

Akko knew this one too. Some nights she slowed down here, the better to draw out Diana's pleasure-high... but come on, it's her birthday. So she slipped her tongue out of her vagina and clamped her mouth around her clit--in a moment of brilliance so pure she wondered later exactly why she thought to do so, she gently bit, her little fangs not quite pricking delicate ladyflesh. She hemmed Diana's clit between her lips and tickled it with her tongue.

Diana's sounds fell silent and she bucked, belly thrust in the air, legs clamping tight around Akko's head. When she made that other perfect sound, that "Aah" sound, the low soft breaths, that was when the peak had passed. Akko rested her chin on the bed and simply reveled in the scent and sensation of a freshly-pleased Diana Cavendish, love-taste thick on her tongue, love-fluid trickling down her chin, the smell of her beloved filling her head and heart.

Akko knelt and Diana lay in silence, only the air conditioning and Diana's steady breathing for sound. After a long moment, Diana sat up, her skin flush, a content smile lighting her face. "Oh, Atsuko Kagari, you spoil me," she said.

"Happy birthday," Akko said, gently prying Diana's legs from around her head.

The door to Diana's room exploded. It's a long story, but between one of them being surprised and the other being surprised and having just had a mind-blowing orgasm they wound up tangled up on the floor in what looked like an elaborate wrestling hold. An olfactably drunk Daryl Cavendish sauntered in to Diana's bedroom.

"Happy birthday, Di," Daryl said, raising a bottle of Santana DVX. "We got a surprise for you~"

"Aunt Daryl, I really must insist you--" Diana said, feeling for her wand and realizing it was still on her dresser. So she covered her bared chest and said "--get the hell out of my room."

"Oh, no, my niece is having the sex with that nice Chinese girl," Daryl said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "How dreadful that I should wal--"

"I'm Japanese, dammit!" Akko said, trying to wriggle free of Diana's tangle of arms and legs. "It's not that hard to te--"

A glowing snake wrapped around Diana and pried the two girls apart. Diana bounced around in midair, suspended in the clasping glowsnakes as Daryl dragged her out of her room. There was perhaps a 50-50 chance that the snake spell would rescue Diana's modesty and the great d2 of the gods decided nope, that wasn't going to happen. "Aunt Daryl, please, maybe tomorrow, I've had a long day--" She spread her legs, digging her heels into the door leading out of her room.

"I got you, Diana!" Akko said, grabbing her girlfriend's wand and throwing it at her, missing by a mile. "Oh, wait, here!" She flung Diana's saber at her instead, the blade embedding a good few inches in the wall. "Whoops, that was almost too good! Hang on, I'm gonna try the wand aga--"

Daryl yanked Diana through the doorway. "If I don't come back avenge my disappeara-a-a-ance!" Diana said as Daryl drunkenly skimped out of her room.

"Hold a sec'!" Akko said, vaulting over Diana's bed, tripping in her long-ass skirt, finding her wand, getting back to her feet, taking a moment to smooth her dress and wipe her face off on a convenient hand towel, then sipped from her glass of water on the guest nightstand, checked her shoes (buckled securely, heels not too high), and then and only then was she ready to chase after Diana. She was too late by nearly five minutes, but at least she tried.

"Good luck," Akko said.

* * *

Daryl planted her hands on her hips and squared her shoulders. Her dress was calculated to increase her size to increase her intimidation and threat: shoulder pads, feather boa made from an actual preserved boa constrictor, a whole bunch of belts layered on top of each other. In the power pose, in this power gear, she took up the club's entire awning. "You'll find I'm on the list, good sir."

"What's your name again?" the scrawny bouncer said, leafing through the list.

"Daryl Cavendish, plus guests." Behind her, Maril and Meril hoist a struggling burlap sack between them. "The bag is full of non-Newtonian fluid with a few shaker motors thrown in. My girls are avid fans of science."

"I'm sorry, m'am," the man said, "you're actually on the list of people who have to pay double to get in because of the, uh... 'magic ritual?'"

"Well, a lady has needs!" Daryl said. "And Yig Day turned out to be a huge bust and I got a licentious crest tattoo and everything! What else was I going to do?"

"Not one of our strippers, m'am. That'll be sixty pounds a head, m'am."

Daryl groaned and dropped a tightly-rolled bundle of tens into his hand. "Come on, girls and fluid."

"I'll hafta charge you for the fluid, m'am."

"Goddamn vultures," Daryl snarled, digging inside the boa constrictor for more money.

Once inside, Meril and Maril dumped Diana into a seat. Her arms clamped over her chest and between her legs. "Whuf--what in the--" She looked up and saw a powerfully-built man whip a banana hammock off and twirl it over his head. Diana winced.

"Here you go, your first strip club, babe!" Daryl said, taking a seat. "Look at all that _meat_!"

"Joy," Diana said, staring intently at the ground.

Oh, right, important note: between the music, nightcore remix of "If We Were Gay," a DJ shouting a perpetual stream of obscenities and come-ons into a microphone, and dozens of horny men and women shouting come-ons over that noise, be sure to mentally append a few exclamation points to every line of dialog.

"What!" Daryl said. "You love this kind of stuff, don't y..." A few gears clicked into place. "Oh, son of a bich, you're the gay one, aren't you?"

"While we're talking about it," Maril said, "I don't really have a strong idea what I am. Maybe I'm gay or maybe I'm--"

"Shh!" Daryl said, holding up a finger. "Anyway, we'll get some drinks and go!"

"There's a three drink minimum..." Meril said.

"Me 'n the girls will have us a round and then we're outta here!" Daryl said.

"Per person," Maril said.

"So, what do you want from the bar?"

"Just get me some bottled water," Diana groaned.

* * *

Daryl prodded her phone. "Hnnh. Lots of girl places. Not a single one also does men. What a Gypsy curse this is."

Diana could've said a lot of things, but right now she was content to keep sewing up her magic dress's chest with a safety pin and a length of floss from the car's first-aid kit, which had inside it a safety pin, a spool of floss, and a bottle of Johny Bootlegger Alcatraz Sour Apple.

Daryl had a car now, by the by, an Autumn Red 1958 Plymouth Fury in remarkably good condition given its age and what Diana assumed was a total inability or desire to maintain machinery. Then again, she could've just as easily shot repair spells at it when she was done. Perhaps that was the secret.

The twins had called shotgun and both were buckled in. "What kind of breasts do you like to look at, Diana?" Maril said.

"There's a place that guarantees nothing smaller than a E cup!" Meril said. "That sounds fun. Globetrotters, wanna go there?"

"I'm more of a hips kind of woman..." Diana said, closing the safety pin in the hopes the dress would stay in place.

"Oh, there's a hips place too," Meril said. "Fatass Booty Bitches 2000. Open since 1998! There's history!"

"I mean," Maril said, peeking at her mother's phone as she browsed Yelp, "it was built on an ancient Pict burial mound and it's a little haunted, but that just makes it extra... historical."

"No, this sounds good," Daryl said. "I'm sure Diana would love it. It's a classy lesbian bondage joint run by a world-class dominatrix!" She pointed her phone Diana's way. The BDSM club was a fifty-story obsidian monolith stabbing the skies over London.

"Wait, are we in London?" Diana said.

Daryl thought. "I think we are. Did we get out of the leyline terminal at London?"

"I wasn't paying attention," Maril said.

"Me neither," Meril said.

"Well, then!" Daryl said. "We're gonna find out where we are and then find some tits for Diana to stare at. Doesn't that sound--"

Diana smashed out the window with the first aid kit and flung herself out, landing on her hands on a patch of grass in the dingy, abandoned lot her aunt parked in. She cartwheeled onto her feet, dusted her hands, and vaulted over the chain link fence and into the night.

"--nice," Daryl said.

"I think she ran away," Maril said.

"Can either of you reach the bottle?" Meril said.

"Well, we tried," Daryl said. "If she doesn't want to enjoy the finer things in life, well, that's on her." She reached back for the bottle of Johny Bootlegger, opened it, and took a long swig before handing it to her daughters. "Now let's mosey. How's about it, darling?" She pat the dashboard.

The window had already healed up nicely. Christine roared to life and went on an adventure of its own.

* * *

Diana stumbled into her bedroom, sweaty, exhausted, and feeling like someone had hammered nails into her heels. "I'm home," she said.

"Oh, hey!" Akko shouted from the bedroom. She skipped at full speed to the living room and locked Diana in a powerful hug. "Did you survive? Or am I gettin' super haunted by your spooky ghost?"

"I saw a lot more penis in five seconds than I'd have liked, but yes, I made it," Diana said. "Pardon if I don't kiss you because I feel disgusting and I need to shower."

"Why stop at that~?" Akko said.

"Because it's 2:30 AM on a Monday morning?" Diana said.

"You know they canceled class tomorrow to throw a Diana Party, right?" Akko said.

"Who did what to what...?"

"Like, they've got a big Diana balloon that looks scary as hell, there's gonna be a play put on by the drama people--outside, 'cause the hole in the roof still ain't fixed and I heard some bandersnatches got in--and Annabel Creme's gonna read a short story over Skype and Jasminka's baking a cake. It's gonna be great! And it's not starting 'til noon so we totally have time to have some more sex."

Diana processed that.

"Well," Diana said. "Shower first... wait. Do you have--"

"Wand!" Akko said, holding out Diana's wand butt-first. Diana took it in hand and dispelled the costume magic, returning them to their school uniforms. "Okay, step zero, done. Step one, shower, hot. Then hot tub. Hotter than shower. Then... let's see where the night takes us."

"Hell yeah," Akko said, giving her a real strong wink. The kissing would come later. Not too much later... but yes, a little later, Diana smelled a little strongly of sweat and dust and...

"What's the gas smell I'm smelling?" Akko said.

"Decepticons," Diana said.

"Friggin' Decepticons," Akko said.

They had lots of lesbian sex later.


End file.
